The TECHNOQUACK Series
IF you guys and dolls do not get the drift of what Technocrats are talking about, despair not. You are not supposed to.
These guys are hiding their ignorance, stupidity, and treachery under a welter of big words and asinine expressions, to impress and intimidate you rather than to make you understand.
They are only aping Americanese. “To ape” is a good verb, it implies they are making monkeys of themselves. When a CIA agent says that you are about to be “terminated with prejudice”', it means, guys and dolls, that he is about to have you killed, exterminated, liquidated.
This series, made by some anonymous genius, quoted in various articles in the Make My Day columns is sincerely dedicated to Technoquacks in the Opus Dei CRC (Bernie Villegas), the Council of Trent (Mahar Mangahas), and the NEDA (Winnie Monsod) who persist in writing un-understandable reports that read like badly translated German --- turgid, flat, stale and insipid – meant not to enlighten, to impress those of us who are stupid and ignorant.
1. Technoquack: All that coruscates with resplendance will not assay auriferous. Plain English: All that glitters is not gold.
2. Technoquack: Abstention from speculatory undertaking precludes attainment. Plain English: Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
3. Technoquack: Mendicants are interdicted from elective recipiency. Plain English: Beggars can’t be choosers.
4. Technoquack: Ergomania exclusive of diversion renders John a hebetudinous progeny. Plain English: All work and no play makes John a dull boy.
5. Technoquack: A superannuated canine is immune to indoctrination in innovative maneuvers. Plain English: You can’t teach an old dog new tricks.
6. Technoquack: Male cadavers are unyielding of testimony. Plain English: Dead men tell no tales.
7. Technoquack: Abstention from speculatory undertaking precludes attainment. Plain English: Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
8. Technoquack: Freedom from incrustations of noxious substances is contiguous with conformity to divine prescriptions. Plain English: Cleanliness is next to Godliness.
9. Technoquack: Ululate not over precipitated lactal secretion. Plain English: Don’t cry over spilt milk.
10. Technoquack: Pulchritude possesses solely cutaneous profundity. Plain English: Beauty is only skin-deep.
11. Technoquack: Inhabitants of vitreous edifices ill-advisedly catapult petrous projectiles. Plain English: People who live in glass houses should not throw stones.
12. Technoquack: The existence of visible vapors from ignited carbonaceous materials confirms conflagration. Plain English: Where there's smoke, there's fire.
13. Technoquack: He who cachinnates ultimately, cachinnates optimally. Plain English: He who laughs last, laughs best.
14. Technoquack: In promulgating your esoteric cogitations, or articulating your superficial sentimentalities, beware of platitudinous ponderosity. Eschew all conglomerations of flatulent garrulity, jejune babblement and asinine affectation. Avoid all polysyllabic profundity, setaceous vacuity, and grandiloquent vapidity. Plain English: Speak simply, plainly, and above all, don’t use big words.